Descriptive Reflection 1A
Dear Professor Blackstone,
By way of introduction, I am James Tan, a year 1 engineering student in your critical thinking and communication S21 class.
I previously graduated from Republic Polytechnic receiving a diploma in Engineering Design with Business. Since the age of 10, I have been the 'handyman' of the household, often tinkering with and repairing household gadgets. This is evident through my interest in the Design and Technology classes offered at my local secondary school, through which I was able to explore and build various hands-on projects. Recognized for my craftsmanship and practical skills, I decided to pursue Engineering as my future career.
Oftentimes, I am regarded as a leader by my peers. My leadership qualities are something I pride myself on. I can effectively convey and communicate directions to my team during projects and National Service, notably when I was awarded the Commanding Officer Coin for my contributions to my army's company. However, I am not the most expressive person. I tend to face difficulties empathizing with others. My peers have commented that I may seem cold and distant, especially when comforting them. This is attributable to me not being the best in words and expressing myself.
Thus, I hope that through this module, I will become more knowledgeable in expressing and communicating my emotions clearly, allowing me to better express my thoughts. Aside from that, I wish to be able to gain a better command of English. As a stereotypical engineering student, I may not be the most adept in English. Hence, I would like to challenge myself and have better proficiency with the language during the trimester.
Thomas Jefferson once said, "Nothing can stop a man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal." I strongly believe I will be able to attain my goals as I define myself as a strong-willed individual who will never back down from any difficulties.
With this, I hope you have come to get to know me better as a student. I am looking forward to what is to come for the upcoming lessons of this module.
Best Regards,
James Tan
Revised on 16 Feb 2024
Hi James
ReplyDeleteGood paragraph structure and content is clear
some changes you might want to make
2nd paragraph: RO&CS (add comma after polytechnic)
"Polytechnic, receiving a.."
4th paragraph: RO&CS (use full stop instead of comma)
" english. Hence,"
Hi Jia Hui,
DeleteThank you for your comments. However, i think that the use of comma after Polytechnic is not appropriate as "graduated from Republic Polytechnic" and "receiving a Diploma in" are closely related and form a single idea. As adding a comma after could disrupt the sentence flow.
Same thing applies to the second suggestion as putting a comma would split the sentence into two. While using a full-stop instead of a comma would be grammatically correct, it'll make the sentence disjointed and convey a different message to the reader.
I hope that we would be able to have a discussion about this during class or so, Thank you for your comments!
Cheers!
Good day James,
ReplyDeleteThe post was really well written. It had a good structure, the content was clear and a good use of vocabulary.
The only critique I have is the length of a few sentences. A good example will be "However, I am not the most expressive person. I tend to face difficulties empathizing with others". The two sentences could be combined to make your point more clear and concise, "However, I face difficulties empathising with others, as I am not the most expressive person."
Overall the letter was well written and I really enjoyed reading it.
Regards,
Benjamin
SOLID work james, other than the handsome profile picture and the nice font used,
ReplyDelete"Thus, I hope that through this module", for this part i think the "thus" could be omitted. Other than that , good flow and clear points, and of course good job<3
bestest regards
siewh
Hello James
ReplyDeleteThe blog was well-written and coherent , it flows smoothly with the wide range of vocabulary that makes it engaging.
Note that when stating quotes or mottos , you should end with a full stop (" . " ). Nonetheless, it shouldn't take hold of how your blog was well-written!
It's been a pleasure to read your post , let's work together on our communication flaws in this module.
Regards
Zhi Xiang
Dear James,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this well developed and informative letter. You address the key components of the brief and provide interesting details. For instance, I really appreciate how you describe both the genesis of your interest in engineering -- starting with being the family "handyman" -- and then your "leadership qualities" and being appointed to various leadership positions in school and NS. You add to that final bit by mentioning the relevant quote from Jefferson.
You also address your comm skills with open honesty, identifying your needs.
In terms of language use, this effort is fluent, but consider the following minor issues:
1. sentence structure
- ... may not be the most adept in English, hence, I would like to challenge myself and have better proficiency with the language during the trimester. > (comma splice) ?
2. overuse of caps
-- ...a year 1 Engineering student in your Critical Thinking and Communication S21 class. > ?
I look forward to seeing your leadership in action and learning more about you in the coming weeks.
Cheers,
Brad